The Deeper He Hurts by Lynda Aicher - A Pre-Release Review

Kick #2

224 pages

Publisher: Loveswept

Release Date September 6, 2016

Copy received from the publisher through Netgalley

The blurb:

Asher Ruggiero, a partner at Adrenaline Kick Adventures, is living a lie. As a control freak whose big Italian family thinks he’s straight, Asher likes his encounters concise, dirty, and discreet—until his company’s new rafting guide walks into work, dripping with brooding, intense sexuality. Sawyer Stevens is a mystery man with secrets and rough edges, and he makes Asher want to get to know him inside and out.

Ever since the tragic death of his parents, Sawyer has dedicated himself to the rush of adrenaline that comes from pleasure and pain. Moving from one guy to another, hiding when life gets too complicated—that’s all he can handle. So why does Asher make him long for something lasting and honest, when the gorgeous geek can’t even be true to himself? Sawyer wants to give Asher his heart, but he just doesn’t know how. After all, a life without integrity is a life without passion—and that’s the one thing Sawyer craves.

My thoughts:

“Pain given and received equally in an exchange of need more than power.”

It’s only fair to start this review with a warning; it will be more me fan-girling about a book I adored and a story that touched me deeply, than a coherent reflection of my thoughts. And before I get all incoherent and start gushing let me just say that this book went straight to my ‘extra special’ list because it will stay with me for a long time to come.

Lynda Aicher ventures were few romance authors dare to go in The Deeper He Hurts. Just like The Harder He Falls, this book’s story is not quite BDSM. Sure, it plays by the BDSM rules in so far as that safewords are mentioned, but Ash is a sadist rather than a Dom and while Sawyer may be a pain slut, he is nobody’s sub. And that is what makes them perfect play partners, despite the fact that Asher has a rule against relationships with employees and Sawyer doesn’t want, need, or trust connections. Ms Aicher doesn’t flinch away from the thoughts and feelings a sadist harbours anymore than the needs of someone finding release in pain. Those scenes should have been shocking and even hard to read but weren’t. In fact they were stunningly beautiful.

Asher and Sawyer are two men who have convinced themselves that they are better off alone. Asher because he can’t figure out how to come out to his family and Sawyer because he knows, without a shadow of a doubt that to let people into his heart is a sure fire way to loss and pain. And yet, knowing you’re better off on your own with your head doesn’t always mean your heart is on board with the game.

Asher is the first to recognise, acknowledge and also accept the feelings he’s developing for Sawyer. In fact, Asher has no qualms revealing his secrets and darkness to the man he’s falling for. Sawyer on the other hand has built such strong walls around himself that he finds it impossible to open up. Even as he has to acknowledge to himself that Asher has gotten under his skin, he can’t bring himself to accept it; not to himself and especially not to Asher.

“Sawyer hid so much from everyone, he doubted anyone really knew him. Not even himself. Asher’s level of self-awareness was both humbling and terrifying. What would he find if he looked that deeply at himself? If he let anyone else see beneath the layers to who he really was?”

I hurt for Sawyer and I hurt for Asher and yet I cheered whenever they were together, doing what they were perfectly matched to do together. Who knew there was this much beauty in the giving and receiving of pain, just for the sake of pain? Because trust me, the description of the scenes between Asher and Sawyer is nothing short of glorious.

In fact, every single word in The Deeper He Hurts is a thing of beauty. I had so many sentences and paragraphs highlighted in this book it was almost embarrassing. Picking my favourites to share here almost broke my heart, but I managed it.

Sawyer is lonely, and the care Asher takes with him the first time he inflicts his pain is a stark reminder of that loneliness. Especially since the relief only lasts as long as the pain lingers; as soon as it lessens Sawyers need to isolate himself resurfaces with a vengeance, except now he’s had a taste of what could be.

“And he gave him all of it.

Every ounce of the hurt and pleasure that blinded his sight and trembled from his core. The well of emptiness that could only be filled by the pain. The years of isolation and loneliness he’d blocked into survival.

The crazy, mounting yearning to be held. To live instead of survive.

It flew from him until there was nothing left.

Nothing put the pain.”

Ash’s reflections on Sawyer’s self inflicted scars made me pause for thought. Self-harm is of course damaging, but it’s worthwhile reflecting on what it gives to those who indulge in such an escape.

“Whatever had caused every one of these marks would’ve hurt like a son of a bitch. Some deep, others more superficial, each magnificent to Ash. Where others might see ugly and deformed, he saw strength. Courage. Agony challenged and defeated.”

Sawyer needs the pain, even if it is a mixed blessing.

“Every ache was a testament to how alive he was.”

Sawyer feels as guilty about being alive as he’s grateful for it even if he’s convinced he shouldn’t be. He needs the pain to remind himself he’s living, while it also reminds him of those who don’t anymore. He’s pushed his feelings aside for so long, he’s no longer sure who he is and what he’d find if he allowed himself to really look into the heart of himself. Until Sawyer finds the courage to give and feel fully; I’m not ashamed to admit that I cheered—out loud—when that happened.

“His orgasm built from his groin but burst from his heart. It slammed through every fiber, tore from his chest in a long cry, and pierced through the hurt to wipe out the pain.”

The Deeper He Hurts tells a pain filled story without ever becoming overly angsty. It drew me into the minds and lives of two men I couldn’t help loving and rooting for. The sex scenes between them, both those centred around pain and those that were only about giving and receiving tenderness and love, touched me deeply. And just when I thought I’d given all my emotions to this book I came to the dedication which describes this wonderful, amazing, touching and heart-warming story better than I ever could:

“To those who’ve hurt, those who’ve healed, and those who’ve walked the line between both. And to those who understand that sometimes you have to hurt in order to heal.”

Lynda Aicher has never let me down. Every single one of her books made a lasting impression on me. And while I didn’t think it was possible, it is safe to say that she’s getting better with every subsequent book.

Related review: The Harder He Falls

Pre-order / Buy links: Amazon       Amazon UK

THE PRINCE - A RE-READ

US edition

TITLE: THE PRINCE A RE-READ

AUTHOR: TIFFANY REISZ

Pages: 407

Date: 12/07/2013

Grade: 5

Details: no. 3 Original Sinners

            The Red Years

Own Kindle/Paperback

The blurb from Tiffany Reisz’ website:

Two worlds of wealth and passion call to Nora Sutherlin and, whichever one she chooses, it will be the hardest decision she will ever have to make. Unless someone makes it for her…

Wes Railey is the object of Nora's tamest yet most maddening fantasies, and the one man she can't forget. He's young. He's wonderful. He's also thoroughbred royalty and, reuniting with him in Kentucky, she's in his world now. But this infamous New York dominatrix is no simpering Southern belle, and Nora's dream of fitting into Wesley's world is perpetually at odds with the relentlessly seductive pull of Søren—her owner, her lover, the forever she cannot have. At least, not completely.

Meanwhile Nora's associate Kingsley Edge is only too happy to take her place at Søren's feet during her hiatus. Søren is the only man Kingsley has ever loved, and their dark, shared history has forged a bond that neither the years—nor Søren's love for Nora—can break. But a new threat from an old adversary is forcing Kingsley to confront the past, reminding him that he must keep his friends close, and his enemies closer.

“In all things involving Nora Sutherlin, proceed with caution.”

And so I come to the end of re-reading the first three Original Sinners books and find myself almost ready to, at last, start on “The Mistress”. And I have to say that the whole process of reading these books again has been an immense pleasure. I honestly think I enjoyed “The Siren”, “The Angel” and “The Prince” more on this second read than I did the first time. When I encountered these books first I got too caught up in the excitement of the stories, was in too much of a rush to get to the end, too desperate to find out what would happen to these characters to pay a lot of attention to the actual writing and any hidden hints or clues.

If I’m honest, I still had trouble slowing myself down while reading. Knowing the story, being well prepared for what was about to transpire didn’t make my need to witness it all again any less. But, I do think I got more out of this book this time around. Not only because I had read this book before but also because I was now more familiar with all the characters in the story which meant that references which had been meaningless on the first read suddenly took on a deeper meaning.

This review, like my reviews of the re-reads I did of “The Siren” and “The Angel”, will be loosely based around quotes from the book.  And to be perfectly honest, this is a rather random collection of quotes. I could have copied twice this amount of fragments with ease and they would have been just as powerful, beautiful and/or inspiring. But, since this is supposed to be a review and not an exercise in copying most of the book, I tried to restrain myself.

This is very clearly the penultimate book in this series. You can feel things coming to a head while the story progresses. The tension is definitely building, the sense of danger getting stronger and the clues as to who is threatening our Sinners easier to decipher. At the same time, this book gives us an insight in to Kingsley and his relationship with Søren as well as a close look at Wesley’s background.

Nora has once again left Søren for Wesley and has travelled to Kentucky with the young man she knows is probably wrong for her but can’t resist:

“Life with Søren seemed like a beautiful prison most days, a prison she would never leave. Only Wesley’s absence had made it feel like a punishment, not a palace...”

And while she misses Søren and the kinks only he can provide her with, Nora is delighted to be reunited with her former intern:

“God damn, she had missed this kid – so fucking much that being back with him hurt almost as much as letting him go had.”

For Wesley things are more straightforward. He loves Nora, he wants Nora and he desperately needs to keep Nora away from Søren and the pain the priest inflicts upon the woman Wesley adores.

“Damn. No other word for Nora Sutherlin. Just damn” (Wesley)

And, at long last, Nora and Wesley have their moment of intimacy; a first for both of them. Wesley loses his virginity and discovers a world of pleasure he never imagined existed:

“He worshipped at the altar of her body and for a moment he felt the power of their union as a communion” 

But it’s a first for Nora as well. As experienced as she may be in everything kinky, it isn’t until she gets together with Wesley that she experiences “vanilla” sex.

While Nora and Wesley are getting to know each other far more intimately, Kingsley and Søren are trying to figure out who is threatening their secrets and way of life. This journey will take them back to the school where they first met, the place where young Kingsley submitted to and fell deeply in love with Søren.

 “There is nothing you could do to me now that I wouldn’t want” 

And their coming together is a brutal one, without restraint or mercy and at times shocking but also powerful and heartbreaking.

“He’d run because he’d wanted to get caught. He’d let himself be stripped and violated. And when he surrendered himself to Søren, that had been the moment he became himself.” 

Yes, the scenes describing Søren and Kingsley’s affair where at times, for me, difficult to read. In fact, when I read the following quote I couldn’t help thinking that trying not to watch would probably be a wise decision on God’s part, although I couldn’t have looked away (or skimmed the pages) if somebody had paid me to do so.

“It did have the scent of destiny on it – you and I. God did bring us together. Only when we were together...like that, I think He tried not to watch” (Kingsley to Søren)

UK edition

Because the way they share their love for each other may be way beyond my comfort zone, I can’t deny that it is also beautiful and intriguing. And I love the stark contrast between Kingsley and Søren’s relationship and the one between Nora and Wesley. 

And so I have once again the reached cliff-hanger that ends The Prince only this time I won’t have to wait ages before I find out how it will all end. I have my copy of “The Mistress” waiting for me and will be starting it in just a few days. I can’t wait to find out how Tiffany Reisz is going to pull all the story-lines together and how she will manage to give happy endings to most, if not all, of these characters. 

Just because I can't resist and did enjoy linking a song to my review of "The Angel" I decided to include another one here. The links to the story in "The Prince" are tentative at best, but since the song includes the line "I think it's time to run" I figure I might get away with it. I hope you'll enjoy "Fever Dream - Fight or Flight" by Tara Kennedy.

And then there is one quote that I had to share just because I couldn’t agree more with the sentiment:

“A library should be a palace” (Søren)