Grif’s Toy by Joseph Lance Tonlet

303 Pages

# 1 Tease and Denial

Own / E-book

The blurb

Grif believes he’ll live his life as a virgin. After all, who would want him? How could anyone find him, a guy who came with less than man-sized equipment, worthy of their love?

What he hadn’t counted on were the two amazing men who would change his life. After entering college, he meets Tate, his fun-loving roommate. While years later, with Tate now just a memory, Wes, a handsome, rugged ex-marine who runs his own security firm enters his life.

Both men lead Grif through a twisted mesh of pleasure, pain, and denial, as they force him to see his value, despite his size and insecurities.

Tags: GAY, EROTICA, BDSM, DEGRADATION, HUMILIATION, SPH

My thoughts

I wonder if I’m the only one who postpones reading certain books because I’m convinced it’s going to be one of those extra special reads and I know that looking forward to one day opening the book is almost as good as reading it will be. After all, I can only read a book for the first time once. Grif’s Toy was such a book for me and the only reason I managed to force myself to dive in now, is because I know the sequel ‘Wes’ Denial’ is only a few weeks away from being released.

So, I hear you ask, did the book live up to my expectations?

The short answer is ‘yes’, and then some. I think it took me exactly half a page to fall for Grif, hard. The whole story is told from his point of view, and his mind was a thing of wonder. In almost every aspect of his life he’s confident and sure of himself, he’s smart, he’s funny and he’s loyal to a fault, without ever coming across as being too good to be true. The one big hang-up in his life is the size of his penis. He’s only a teenager when he first realises how small he is compared to other boys his age, and in that moment he makes up his mind that he will never share this, what he feels is a humiliation, with anybody else.

Enter first Tate and then Wes. Both men see all of Grif and both of them, eventually, manage to convince Grif that the size of his penis is not the defining factor when it comes to how they see him, even while (or maybe because) they use what Grif sees almost as his deformity, for their own and Grif’s pleasure.

This story is not written linearly. The story jumps back and forth, showing pivotal moments in Grif’s life and in his relationships with the two men who pull him out of his self-imposed solitary confinement. While it did mean I had to concentrate that little bit harder and pay close attention to the chapter headings, I’m grateful the author told the story like that. The fact that I knew from the start that Grif was in a loving, be it unconventional, relationship and happy there, made it possible for me to read all that had gone before without being a nervous wreck. And I’m in awe of the way Joseph Lance Tonlet managed to juggle all the scenes in such a way that I could easily see how the past influenced the present. Without Tate, Grif probably wouldn’t have been ready for Wes, and because a Wes chapter would either precede or follow a Tate chapter it was possible for me to pinpoint the moments in the past that made the present development plausible.

It wasn’t easy to get my head around the fact that what I thought would be hard to read and dark turned out to be gloriously beautiful and deeply touching. The thing is, I don’t get humiliation. I can’t imagine deriving any pleasure or excitement either from humiliating someone else or being humiliated myself, and I fully expected to be turned off by that aspect of the story. Imagine my surprise when I wasn’t; quite the opposite in fact.

“Bringing you to tears gives me so much pleasure. You are so beautiful.” - Wes

The first time I read that sentiment all my hackles went up and I was all ‘but that’s just wrong’. Except that it wasn’t. Not when Grif’s thoughts are:

“…every time I revealed more, made myself more vulnerable, there was every possibility that he’d use it against me in the most painful, and thus pleasurable, ways imaginable.” - Grif

I don’t think it was the humiliation itself that worked for me. What hooked me was the coming together of two men who are meant for each other because their needs and desires mirror and complement each other’s perfectly.

“And there it was, the key combination. Sure, I enjoyed the submission, the pain and the denigration. But it was the combination—the indubitable knowledge—that he enjoyed my submission, inflicting the pain, and delivering denigration, as much as I enjoyed receiving it. That’s where the complete bliss lay.” - Grif

That is all any of us wants; a partner who fits perfectly into our personal reality. And the coming together or first Grif and Tate and then Grif and Wes was a thing of beauty that touched me deeply even while Grif’s desires and emotions continued to confuse me. And it’s a really strange experience to truly enjoy reading about something you realise you don’t actually like as soon as you stop and think about it for a few minutes. To be honest, the whole humiliation thing messed with my head, be it in the most amazing way. Because while Gif finds satisfaction in being humiliated, the fact that he does makes him feel no end of humiliation. So either it is a gift that keeps on giving or …. And that’s where my imagination and words fail me. All I know is that the concept keeps on spinning through my mind, and that it will in all likelihood continue to do so for a long time. Especially since I not only found it fascinating but, much to my surprise, also very hot.

I think this is only the second time in my long reading history that I’ve completely fallen in love with characters although I don’t understand what they give to and get from each other and couldn’t, with the best will in the world, imagine myself in their positions. My mind truly is a wondrous thing at times.

I did it again, didn’t I? I wrote a long and rambling review and chances are nobody except me will have any idea exactly what I was trying to say here. So allow me to try and summarise my thoughts and feelings.

I adored this book. It was exquisitely written and touched me in ways few, if any, books have touched me before. I’m always grateful when I find a book that surprises me, makes me stop and think, question myself and what I thought I knew, and forces me to broaden my horizons. Grif’s Toy did all those things. Grif and Wes will stay with me for days, if not weeks, to come. And I’m so grateful I postponed reading this book until the release of Wes’ Denial had been announced. I can’t wait to spend more time with these two men and have them broaden my horizons even further.

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THE FLESH CARTEL SEASON ONE: DAMNATION

TITLE: THE FLESH CARTEL SEASON ONE:

            DAMNATION

AUTHORS: RACHEL HAIMOWITZ & HEIDI BELLEAU

Pages: 119

Date: 04/12/2013

Grade: 4

Details: Contains the first two episodes

               Capture & Auction

               Received from Riptide Publishing

               Through NetGalley

Own/Kindle

The blurb:

The Flesh Cartel: an international, multi-billion-dollar black market that trades in lost souls. Or more specifically, their bodies.

Highly organized and frighteningly efficient, the Flesh Cartel could teach even the KGB a thing or two about breaking a human mind. Fortunately for their ultra-rich clients, they’re just as skilled at putting people back together again—as perfect pets, well-trained and eager to please.

No matter what your secret tastes or dark desires, the Flesh Cartel—for the right price, of course—will hand-design the plaything of your dreams.

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1. Capture

The blurb:

In this first installment of the exciting new psychosexual thriller, The Flesh Cartel, orphaned brothers Mat and Dougie Carmichael are stolen in the night from their own home. Taken to a horrifying processing facility, they are assessed, microchipped, and subjected to unspeakable brutality—all in preparation for sale to the highest bidder.

In a world where every person has a price, the beautiful and subduable PhD student Dougie is highly prized. His brother, a rough-edged MMA fighter, is less desirable—and potentially too dangerous—but he still has his own appeal.

Abused and locked up under round-the-clock surveillance, with no idea where they are or even why they’ve been taken, escape seems impossible, which leaves staying together their only hope. And after being separated once by the foster system, they'll do anything to keep it from happening again. Anything at all.

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O my God, I don’t even know where to begin. This story is violent, harsh, cruel, sexually explicit in the most disturbing way and totally engrossing.

The reader is briefly introduced to Dougie and Mat, two brothers with nobody else in the world besides each other. Dougie, 23 is a PhD student, sensitive and protected from the harsh realities in the world by his older brother Mat, who tries to support himself and his brother as an MMA fighter.

Just when the reader starts to think how nice it is that both brothers are trying protect each other from certain aspects of their lives, intruders break into their house while Dougie is in the shower and Mat away. Their planned rape and abduction of Dougie is interrupted but not prevented by Mat’s arrival and before the brothers know what is happening to them they’ve been ferreted away to an unknown location.

With Dougie always having been the only intended target, Mat has to swallow all of his anger and pride in order not to get himself killed. The only chance he has of saving Dougie is staying with him. The only way to stay with Dougie is for Mat to subject himself to humiliation and captivity.

While Dougie and Mat have no idea why they have been taken, what the purpose of their medical evaluation, micro-chipping and being filmed is, the reader does; these young men have fallen victim to a secret organization of human traffickers and are destined to become sexual slaves.

This book is objectionable on so many fronts that it is hard to know where to begin. First and foremost though I think I should mention that none of the sexual acts described in this first part of the story are consensual or tender or beautiful. What we are reading is rape; described in horrifying detail. In fact, there were several times during the 60 or so pages in this book that I felt I couldn’t read on. But the plight Mat and Dougie find themselves in and their loyalty to each other kept me reading and will have me reading on.

2. Auction

The blurb:

In episode two of The Flesh Cartel, the dark purpose behind Mat and Dougie Carmichael’s abduction is revealed. Though Dougie is protected from the worst of the guards’ brutality, he’s disgusted to find himself halfway to broken—despairing of escape and terrified of pain. Mat holds onto hope despite repeated violations and beatings, but threats toward his brother teach him well to lay aside his pride and pick his battles carefully.

Worn down by days of unrelenting fear and abuse, Mat and Dougie are packaged and marketed with the same ruthless efficiency as any consumer product: Dougie the prettyboy twink, Mat the rabid pit bull. They are led to the auction block as the showpiece of the house’s collection.

Mat would rather be beaten to death than play the role of obedient slave for sale, but Dougie, desperate not to be separated from his brother, strikes a deal with the pitiless Madame who runs the auction house and controls both their fates. It might just be enough to keep them together—slaves, but together—assuming Mat even wants to be after Dougie fulfills his end of his deal with the devil.

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If I thought the first part of this story, ‘Capture’, was hard to read, this one was even harder. Kept in captivity and separated the two brothers still have no idea where they are, or why, or what is going to be happening to them.

The only thing they know is that they are nothing; stripped of their names, addressed as ‘holes’ those holding seem determined to strip Mat and Dougie of their humanity. And while Dougie somewhat protected by his capturer’s wish to keep him clean and unblemished, they have no such qualms about Mat who discovers that being used as a punch bag is the least of his troubles.

When Dougie does as Madame demands he may ensure that he won’t be separated from his brother. It may also mean that his brother will never forgive him; that is if Dougie will ever be able to forgive himself.

I said it in the first part of this review, and I’ll say it again, this is NOT an easy story to read. In fact, the story is so heartbreaking, so sadistic and so cruel that I my immediate reaction when I finished this second installment was that I couldn’t possibly read on. Now that a little bit of time has passed I’m not so sure. This story is very compelling and well written.

I may just read a few more episodes, just to find out if a bit more humanity enters this otherwise horrific story. I have gotten attached to Mat and Dougie and am curious if they’ll manage to keep the love and loyalty between them as strong as it is, despite their enemies’ best efforts to separate them.

It is not often that a book leaves me this conflicted. Part of me wants to condemn it out of hand because of the cruelty on the pages, while another part of me is in awe that these authors managed to draw me in to this extent despite everything that is so very objectionable about this story. I think I’ll sleep on it for a while and see how I feel in a few days.

In the meantime, ‘The Flesh Cartel’ comes with a strong worded warning; this is not a romance or a love story. The scenes in this book are harsh, cruel and graphic. An awful lot of readers will find this book hateful and disgusting. However, if you like your stories pitch black and are not afraid of being shocked beyond your imagination, this may well be the book for you.