IN THE RAW

IN THE RAW by Eileen Griffin & Nikka Michaels

 

Pages: 209

Date: 05/10/2014

Grade: 4.5

Details: No. 1 In the Kitchen

            Received from the publisher

            Through NetGalley/Love Romances and 

            More

Kindle

The blurb:

“James Lassiter has had a crush on fellow culinary student Ethan Martin for three years, but has never had the guts to make a move. Putting himself out there is hard, especially when under the thumb–and wallet–of his overbearing parents. Now that bad boy chef Ethan–who is always vying with Jamie for best in class–is struggling with the pastry course, Jamie suddenly has a reason to reach out.

Ethan doesn't mean to be an ass–okay, so mostly he does–but even though he's secretly hot for Jamie, he sure as hell doesn't want help with pastry. Ever since his dad walked out, Ethan has been the one to hold things together and he's done fine on his own. Except that he can't get his cake to rise.

Jamie could be the answer to what Ethan's been missing his whole life–someone to depend on. But with the two competing for the same scholarship, things suddenly get too hot to handle. And if Jamie finds the strength to go for what he wants, he isn't about to settle for what he needs.”

My thoughts:

Opposites attract maybe a cliché, it is definitely true in this book. At first glance Jamie Lassiter – Golden Boy – and Ethan Martin couldn’t be more different. The rich pampered Jamie appears to get everything thrown in his lap for nothing more than luck of birth while Ethan has had to battle life for years just to make sure he and his sister Claire kept a roof over their heads and food in their mouths.

As soon as you get to know the two young men a little bit better, it becomes clear things aren’t quite as clear cut. Jamie’s wealth comes with a price in the form of parents who won’t accept him for who he is, try to run his life for him and have his future planned out. Ethan’s tough and stand-offish attitude on the other hand, is his way of shielding himself from all the hurt he knows is waiting for him in the world. When the two come together they need each other to bring their hidden character traits to the forefront. And that is one of the things I really appreciated in this book; the characters are anything but one-sided. Jamie may appear shy and retreating, he is quite capable of standing up to the bullshit Ethan throws his way and knows how to take the initiative. Ethan’s softer and unselfish sides becomes clear in his relationship with his sister, Claire, and the things he is willing to do for Jamie.

Talking about Claire, she was a ray of sunshine in this book. She knows how to put Ethan in his place and keep him grounded with just a few well chosen words that show her deep love for him as much as her no-shit attitude.

And just in case I make this book sound like an angst-fest without relief, allow me to add there were quite a few laugh-out-loud moments in this book too. I’ll never look at a cake tin in quite the same way again.

If I’m perfectly honest I have to admit the first half of the book dragged a bit for me at times. The boys spent a bit too much time in their heads and not enough time with each other or communicating, for my liking. The second half of the book more than made up for that though. I can’t deny I had a pretty good idea of who exactly Jamie and Ethan were exactly because we’d been given that insight into their thoughts and feelings earlier on.

The relationship between Jamie and Ethan was a rollercoaster of angst, happiness and heartbreak. There wasn’t a boring moment once these two gave into the attraction between them. To say they were hot together would be a huge understatement; they were scorching. And I can’t stress enough how Ethan’s need to make everything perfect – not to say orgasmic – for Jamie gave me all the feels.

Now, I have seen a few people give out about the ending of this book in their reviews and I fully expected to join their chorus; I do not like cliff-hangers. But now that I’ve finished the book I have to say I disagree. While it is clear from the ending that Jamie and Ethan’s story is far from finished, it does end in a logical place and, for me at least, on a good, be it teary, note. The fact that I already have the second book on my Kindle may make it easier for me to say that, but I don’t think I’d have said anything else if I had a longer wait ahead of me.

Eileen Griffin and Nikka Michaels have once again proven their awesomeness as a writing team. Their boys leap off the page and fight their way into your heart. I’m delighted I have two more encounters with Jamie and Ethan to look forward to.

BEAR & TRAVIS

BEAR & TRAVIS by Parker Williams

 

Pages: 58

Date: 03/10/2014

Grade: 3.5

Details: no. 3 Storming Love:

            One Storm, Twelve Men

            Received from MLR Press

            Through Love Romances and More

Kindle

The blurb:

“Is it possible to fall in love from nothing more than a few phone calls and e-mails? Dr. David 'Bear' Berickza thinks so. Despite the distance and limited contact, Bear can only think about Travis Michaels, a fellow veterinarian in the small town of Timber Creek.

When he hears that Timber Creek is directly in the path of Hurricane Lauris, Bear makes a promise. He will be there to help Travis and his daughter, the smart-mouthed Tina, to save the abandoned animals.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and when Lauris hits, Bear and Travis find that despite their best efforts, it's going to take more than that to save any lives, including their own.”

My thoughts:

This is the third book in a series but as far as I can tell the only thing linking them is the storm. As a result, the stories can be read as stand-alones and out of order. And that is just as well since this was my first book by Parker Williams.

This was a story of contrasts, and rather stark contrasts at that. On the one hand there was the love story between Bear and Travis and as love stories go it was sweet, uncomplicated and charming. The two men have, unbeknownst to each other, developed feelings for the man they only know through phone calls and emails. When Bear finds out Travis is about to face a horrific hurricane with only his teenage daughter to support him, he doesn’t think twice and drives to the rescue. When the two men are together it becomes clear to them the attraction is mutual and as soon as the devastating storm has passed they act on it. Yes, their relationship moves very fast once they get together. But considering the fact they’d been communicating for months and the extremes of the circumstances under which the meet I did not have any difficulty accepting the speed with which they moved. In fact I found it all kinda cute and heart-warming.

On the other extreme there’s the animal rescue thread to this story. This one I found rather hard to read. The idea that people would abandon their pets in the face of disaster is foreign to me and fills me with anger and sadness, just as it does Bear and especially Travis. The level of realism in this book in regard to the animals that could and could not be saved was devastating, especially because I know it has to reflect how things work in the real world. It does mean that this book should come with a warning. I know a lot of readers have great difficulty reading books in which animals come to harm. If you are such a reader you may want to stay away from this particular story.

Tina, Travis’s daughter was beautiful ray of sunshine and delight in this story. Her love for her father as well as her determination to see him happy combined with her smart mouth and teenage attitude put a huge grin on my face on several occasions.

Overall I enjoyed this book. Yes I had a hard time reading about the animals but enjoyed my time with Bear, Travis and Tina. My only reservation about ‘Bear & Travis’ is that the author tried to squeeze an awful lot of very interesting story into relatively few pages. Having said that, he did manage to portrait all three characters in such a way that I felt I knew them and what made them tick by the time the story ended. I also really liked the smooth way in which this story was told and how easy it was for me to lose myself in the tale. Which, of course, means I will have to sample other titles by Parker Williams in the not too distant future.

PARTNERS

PARTNERS by Brigham Vaughn

 

Pages: 121

Date: 02/10/2014

Grade: 4+

Details: no 2 Equals

Own / Kindle

The blurb:

“After a rocky first few months, Stephen Parker and Russ Bishop’s relationship is at a crossroads when the death of Stephen’s father forces them to visit Stephen's hometown in southern Georgia.

Estranged from his family, Stephen must find a way to come to terms with his past and say goodbye to the father whose expectations he could never live up to. The small, conservative town provides its own challenges as Russ realizes providing emotional support is one part of being a true partner for Stephen.”

My thoughts:

I read ‘Equals’ just under three months ago and thoroughly enjoyed it. As I wrote at the time, I was delighted to discover Stephen and Russ’s story wasn’t finished yet and looked forward to finding out how their relationship would develop.

‘Partners’ starts more or less where ‘Equals’ ended. Stephen has been informed his estranged father has died and travels to the hometown he hasn’t visited in about 20 years to organize the funeral. This is a difficult time for Stephen. His parents rejected him when he came out and never reconsidered that decision. The anger he feels towards his father is mixed with the knowledge that now the man has died the situation can truly never be resolved. Combine that with the attitude towards homosexuality in his small and very religious hometown, and Stephen is facing a very stressful time. But he’s not facing it alone.

Russ knows his place is next to Stephen. He may be twenty years younger than the man he loves, he has no doubt he can and will support Stephen during this time of emotional upheaval. While he struggled with feelings of inferiority in the first book, there’s little to no trace of that issue left in this book. With Stephen struggling with all his conflicting emotions, Russ comes into his own as the steady presence at Stephen’s side, always there with a supporting word, look or touch.

I once again enjoyed my time with Stephen and Russ and shared their frustration with the small-mindedness of Stephen’s hometown. It was wonderful to get a better insight into what makes Stephen tick and to discover the feelings hiding under his usually rather polished veneer.

Russ visibly grew in this book. Moment by uncomfortable moment he discovers how important he is to Stephen. While the difference in age and status between him and Stephen caused him pain and insecurity in the first book, he now knows he is indeed an equal partner in this relationship and important to Stephen’s happiness and sanity.

I loved Miss Esther. As secondary characters go she was one of the best and a joy to read.

“Love don’t always make sense. It don’t always follow laws. It just is.”

I always like it when I encounter my own thoughts or feelings in a fictitious character and there were two things Stephen and I are in complete agreement about. His thoughts about religion mirror my own exactly.

“I don’t have a problem with God, I have a problem with religion.” – Stephen

As does his idea about the way an ideal relationship works.

“But somehow, being with Russ was like all the good things about being alone with none of the bad.”

Brigham Vaughn once again pulled me into her story and amazed me with her wonderful way with words. Reading her books is pure pleasure and I’m looking forward to indulging in quite a few more of them. The knowledge that Stephen and Russ will return in a third book is a very tasty cherry on top of an already delicious cake.

CONSENT

CONSENT by A.J. Rose

 

Pages: 350

Date: 30/09/2014

Grade: 5+++

Details: No. 3 Power Exchange

Own / Kindle

The blurb:

Cole, what’s wrong?

Former detective Gavin DeGrassi likes his new life and his job as a university professor, molding the minds of the next generation of law enforcement. It keeps him in the field he loves, but out of the media and out of the danger he seems to draw. He’s settled and happy with his partner and Dom, Ben Haverson.

It’s Myah.

Until a middle of the night phone call from his brother, Cole, whose desperation and fear yank him back into the world of criminals and countdowns. Only this time, the stakes are much higher.

She’s missing.

Detective Myah Hayes, Gavin’s sister-in-law and former partner, has a past of her own, one that has returned to claim her. With only their instincts and the help of a rogue CSI, Gavin, Ben, and Cole will do whatever it takes to find Myah, following a flimsy trail of evidence to Chicago, where all is not what it seems—dirty cops, moral pimps, and a nest of snakes who call themselves businessmen.

They’re on a collision course with the worst of humanity, and more than Myah’s life is caught in the vortex. Can they find her, and if they do, will there be anything left to save?

My thoughts:

“The worry like paper cuts slicing away at our composure.”

That quote applies to the reader of this story as much as it does to the characters in it. AJ Rose captured me with the first two Power Exchange novels and I didn’t think she could get any deeper into the soul of me, but I guess I should have known better. Her characters and what she puts them through is not something you ‘just’ read. The writing is so visual it is almost possible to see the horror and the beauty, feel the pain and the pleasure, experience the fear and the love.

Consent is everything you might hope and expect a book to be and then some. While I’m reluctant to say anything about the story beyond what you can find in the blurb I do want to mention all the emotions this book put me through; worried, scared, petrified, horrified and disgusted formed one side of the spectrum. On the other side I found warmth, smiles, heart stopping beauty and heady arousal. There were times the emotions shifted so fast I couldn’t keep up with myself and had to put the book down just to figure out what exactly I was feeling. I rarely cry when I read, regardless of the story-line, but tears obscured the words on more than one occasion while reading Consent; sad tears, angry tears, frustrated tears and happy tears all came out to play. It was a heady experience.

This book is as much the continuation of a love story as it is a heart stopping thriller. In the midst of the nightmare Myah’s abduction creates, Ben and Gavin continue to take my breath away with their love and complete trust in and reliance on each other.

“You don’t have to martyr yourself. If you need to break, you break. I will catch you” – Ben to Gavin

“I know you will. But tell me something, Sir. When do you get to break? When does the weight of me plus the world get to be too much for you?” – Gavin to Ben.

We get to see several sides to Ben we haven’t seen before and as much as it hurt, it also made him even more of a hero than he already was in my eyes. The flipside of seeing Ben for once not in complete control was seeing Gavin taking it and giving his partner what he’d so often received in the past. Their relationship had been beautiful from the moment they first met in Power Exchange. In this book it was taken to glorious heights and shown in all its multi-coloured splendour.

“He’s your protector and you’re his purpose.” – Cole about Ben and Gavin.

As in the previous two books Ben and Gavin’s BDSM-relationship is beautiful beyond words. Fascinating as I find this sort of relationship, it is only when I observe the dynamic between Ben and Gavin that I feel it might be something I’d be interested in...provided of course I would have a Ben to submit to.

“(...) as he dragged me into a kiss so obscene, so obsessive, I wouldn’t have been surprised if his name stamped itself on my bones.”

This story comes with trigger warnings and, believe me, it needs them. The horrors Myah is facing are indescribable and I’m not going to go into them in any detail here. Suffice to say I found it very hard to read Myah’s chapters. Don’t get me wrong, not because they weren’t good, quite the opposite, they were brilliant. It was the environment she found herself in, the things she had to endure and witness and the realism with which they were described, that made her part of the story so hard.

“The trust with which he looked at her as he nodded set all the remaining pieces of her heart aflame, reducing them to ash.

 Every time a new Myah chapter started I found myself something to do, feed the dog, make another cup of coffee, have a quick look at Facebook; anything that would give me a chance to catch my breath and build up my courage before diving in again. Not going back to the story was never an option though and neither was skimming through these chapters. The need to know what would happen, how it was going to end and if a happy ending was even possible kept me turning the pages. The fact that I was able to do this proves how much I trust this author, although there were one or two moments I would have happily slapped her.

Another reason I could not put the book down lies in AJ Rose’s masterful storytelling. She knows how to alternate the horrific scenes – those you’d prefer to read with your eyes closes or not read at all – with the wonderful beauty that is the relationship between Ben and Gavin, thus keeping the reader teetering on a precarious balance between disgust and delight.

Consent is the story that shows there is more to people than we could ever suspect. There is strength where you’d expect only weakness. Perseverance can be found in the midst of despair. Beauty may hide under a layer of dirt and sometimes people do the wrong thing for all the right reasons.

Consent is proof, if we needed it, of AJ Rose’s magnificence as a writer and storyteller. The beauty of her words, the depth of her characters and the power of her stories take my breath away every time I read one of her books. I’m in awe and forever grateful I found her books; my world would be a bleaker place without them.

COUNTERPUNCH

COUNTERPUNCH by Aleksandr Voinov

 

Pages: 200

Date: 28/09/2014

Grade: 4.5

Details: no. 2 Belonging

           Received from Riptide Publishing

           Through NetGalley

Kindle

The blurb:

“Brooklyn Marshall used to be a policeman in London, with a wife and a promising future ahead of him. Then he accidentally killed a rioter whose father was a Member of Parliament and had him convicted of murder. To ease the burden on the overcrowded prison system, Brooklyn was sold into slavery rather than incarcerated. Now, he's the "Mean Machine", a boxer on the slave prizefighting circuit, pummelling other slaves for the entertainment of freemen and being rented out for the sexual service of his wealthier fans.

When Nathaniel Bishop purchases Brooklyn's services for a night, it seems like any other assignation. But the pair form an unexpected bond that grows into something more. Brooklyn hesitates to call it "love"—such things do not exist between freemen and slaves—but when Nathaniel reveals that he wants to help get Brooklyn's conviction overturned, he dares to hope. Then, an accident in the ring sends Brooklyn on the run, jeopardizing everything he has worked so hard to achieve and sending him into the most important fight of all—the fight for freedom.”

My thoughts:

Anybody keeping an eye on my reviews may have noticed that I’m a fan of Aleksandr Voinov. He’s on that list of authors whose books I buy without second thought, even without reading the blurb in too much detail, secure in the knowledge that I’m going to love what I’ll find between the covers.

Counterpunch was no exception to that rule. And, up to a point, that’s surprising. I’m not a fan of boxing, to put it mildly. I actively avoid having to watch it and would, under most circumstances, stay away from it in my reading as well. But, just as Aleksandr could make me read about World War II when I’d sworn I’d leave that subject alone, he could make me read about boxing and enjoy the story.

Counterpoint contains a very nice mix between alternate universe circumstances and celebrities and situations we recognise from our own reality. Being able to recognise so much of the world Brooklyn and Nathaniel live in, made this story real and therefore more heart wrenching than it would have been in a outright fantastical setting. It didn’t take a huge imaginary leap to believe the slavery premise of the story. In fact, slavery is only taking community service combined with a security bracelet one step further, isn’t it? I mean we’ve all seen the protests where police forces are attacked by those marching. Accidents happen. A policeman killing one of the protesters has happened and is bound to happen again. In our world the guilty cop might not end up in slavery, boxing to stay alive, but he might well be ostracised and end up living a life he’d never imagined in his worst nightmares.

Because it was all too easy to read this story as if it were taking place in the world I live in, because it stayed close enough to reality to make me forget it was fiction on one or two occasions, Brooklyn’s story took a hold of my heart. I completely got the constant battle between anger and frustration. I understood how dangerous it was for him to hope or to trust his emotions when the merest slip could bring him face to face with torturous punishment.

The story is told from Brooklyn’s perspective which means that the reader is as much in the dark about Nathaniel’s motives and feelings as Brooklyn is. As readers we might be a bit more inclined to be optimistic about the eventual outcome than Brooklyn is, but Nathaniel’s actions were mysterious enough to keep me on my toes and racing through the words towards what I hoped would be a happy ending.

Aleksandr Voinov’s writing voice is one that appeals to me. I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that works so well for me but every single book I’ve read by this author has drawn me in and captured me, regardless of the setting or subject matter. The books almost read themselves. All I have to do is show up and the stories take over, the characters come alive and I can hear their dialogue in my head. Aleksandr is one of a few authors I’ll be forever grateful I’ve found as well as one I’ll continue reading as long as there are new (to me) stories to be found.

BRUISED

BRUISED by Sean Michael

 

Length: Short Novel

Date: 27/09/2014

Grade: 3

Details: Received from Totally Bound Publishing

            Through Love Romances and More

Kindle

The blurb:

“Johnson and Billy come from different parts of the country, different backgrounds and different places in their lives. Maybe different is exactly what they both need.

Johnson figures it's got to be a sign when cowboy Billy shows up at his garage after hours, just as he's about to go find someone to spend the night with. He's horny enough that a lot of guys would look good, but Billy seems special somehow.

Billy thinks Johnson's the hottest ticket he's seen since he moved to California from Texas, and after a good meal and some good fun, he takes Johnson home. They both find out they're getting more than they bargained for. Can Johnson and Billy figure out why they feel so connected and can they make it last once reality sets back in?”

My thoughts:

This is a sex driven story. If you’re not a huge fan of sex in your books, or only tolerate it in small doses, this is probably not the book for you. If, on the other hand, you enjoy hot sex with a light dusting of BDSM, combined with a relationship established on the basis of two men perfectly fulfilling each other’s needs, you’re going to love this book.

If I’m honest, my personal preference lies somewhere between those two extremes which means that while I enjoyed the very hot encounters between Billy and Johnson I would have liked to read a bit more about their relationship beside the physical aspect of it. As it is, the readers only get glimpses of Billy and Johnson’s lives. While the story makes it perfectly clear that Billy’s long hours as a defender mean the two men don’t spend nearly as much time together as they would like, the issue is mentioned and put aside in a sentence or two. Billy and Johnson don’t appear to talk and rarely seem to leave the house other than for work. Issues are dealt with in the bedroom. I really liked what I did see and learn about these two men and felt a bit short changed that I wasn’t given the opportunity to get to know them better.

 In fact the reader would be forgiven for thinking both men have super human powers when it comes to erections and orgasms. And, if I’m completely honest I have to say the sex between Billy and Johnson, while hot, became a bit repetitive after a while.

Having said all that I should also point out that this was a very easy and smooth read. While I may have had one or two issues with the story and the way it was told, that didn’t mean I ever even thought about not finishing the book. I enjoyed my time with Johnson and Billy. I just wish they had shown me a bit more of themselves.

THE BUTTERFLY KING

THE BUTTERFLY KING by Edmond Manning

 

Pages: 350

Date: 23/09/2014

Grade: 6

Details: no. 3 The Lost and Founds

Kindle

The blurb:

“Terrance Altham doesn’t know why he’s been arrested. He’s committed no crime and the cops aren’t talking. Sadly, the man sharing his holding cell talks too much. Known only as Ghost, he is a young grifter, apparently familiar enough with this police station to convince Terrance a break out is possible, and pushy enough to leave Terrance no choice but to follow Ghost into the underbelly of New York City.

Terrified by the unjust imprisonment and the possibility of a life behind bars, Terrance searches for proof of his innocence while Ghost seeks the elusive Butterfly King. But neither man seems in control of the weekend’s direction and the consequences of missteps are life-changing. As Ghost’s manipulations come to an explosive head, each man must decide amid danger and street violence what kind of man will triumph, lost or found?

Narrator Vin Vanbly (a.k.a Ghost) returns in the most revealing King Weekend yet, where he faces the dark side of his dangerous manipulations, and learns mistakes can be deadly. Vin must confront sinister dealings from his past—and a future promising disaster—as he waltzes Terrance across Manhattan in spring, searching for the elusive and charismatic, Butterfly King.”

My thoughts:

“It’s a heavy burden, trying to love a world that doesn’t seem to love you back.”

Before I say anything else I would like to point out this is the third title in an ongoing series. I can’t recommend reading these books in the right order enough.. While each book tells a wonderful tale of its own, the magnificence of this story only shines through in all its glory if you read the story as the author intended. And that includes reading the chapters of book six, King Daniel, as they are posted on Edmond Mannings website.

The King Daniel chapters are not random filler material. They remind us of what’s gone before and give us (probably crucial) hints of what’s still to come.

Chapters four to seven bring Daniel to New York where he hopes to find The Butterfly King. Given Daniel’s difficulty walking, New York is a bit of a nightmare for him. But as difficult as it is to get around and no matter how hopeless his quest appears at times, he cannot bring himself to give up. His need to find the Found Kings and discover if he too could be found, is far bigger than his anger against the world and his fear when he’s moving around.

Reading about Daniel’s need to look down all the time to make sure he’s on firm ground and his sudden desire to start looking up, reminded me of one of my favourite Dutch songs. I took a chance and searched YouTube for an English version of the song and found this really beautiful one: ‘Sammy’.

***

Do you ever get pre-read anxiety? I was desperate to read The Butterfly King. But then, when I had the book as well as the time to read it, I found myself procrastinating. You can only read a book for the first time once. And I know there’s going to be a wait for book number four. If I didn’t start The Butterfly King now, that wait would be shorter. But I had the book and needed to know the next part of the story. But... You get my drift. In the end curiosity won out and I lost myself in another of Edmond Manning’s Lost and Founds tales.

The story of Vin’s seventh ‘kinging’ throws you straight into the action. A man called Ghost is waiting in a New York prison cell for his cellmate. Terrence, The Butterfly King, is about to start his King Weekend in prison.

I’m not going to say anything else about the story as such. It should be read, experienced even, without preconceptions and expectations. Edmond Manning has created characters and a world to lose yourself in. The dialogue and Vin’s thoughts draw you into the story. It is impossible not to feel Vin’s pain, his fear and the love he has for the man he’s spending a weekend with. I read whole sections of this story with tears in my eyes. Vin’s conviction that he’s unworthy of love and that those who think they love him would stop feeling that way the moment they found out what he has done in the past, was heartbreaking. Vin has such a huge capacity to love inside him and yet can’t believe that others, not even his Kings, might be as capable of unconditional love towards him.

I’ve slowly (far more slowly than I should have) come to the realisation this is a philosophical series of books as much as it is a work of fiction. These stories and Vin’s theories force you to think about things like curiosity, or, in this book, fear.

 “But if a man spends his life fighting fear, keeping it at bay with logic and rationalizations, he doesn’t notice fear exacting its toll, draining him, preventing his ability to access true power. That’s the dark wizard’s greatest curse, not draining you enough to notice and fight back, but embedding fear so deeply, you forget to consider achieving your greatness.”

Reading the Lost and Founds books forces you to examine how you approach the world yourself. Are you living your life in the best way possible, are you allowing all your potential to emerge or is fear holding you back?

“Fear never collects enough love, enough money, enough power.”

Terrence, he who is destined to become the Butterfly King, has to come to terms with everything that happened to him in the past and to forgive those he’s blaming for the way his life got derailed, before he can live without fear holding him back.

“(...) Lost Kings have to let something die to become Found Kings again. They have to shed a comfortable burden to become a better version of themselves. Give up living on the sidelines. Give up feeling sorry for themselves. Stop blaming others. The price of power is a new burden. The gateway is often grief.”

The moment he decides to embrace life, despite all the obstacles, was glorious.

“I’m going to live Ghost. (...) No matter if my world crumbles around me. I’m going to live in these moments.”

We meet a different Vin Vanbly in this book. Since the story is set earlier than the two previous titles, he’s obviously younger. But it is more than that. This Vin isn’t nearly as sure of himself as he is in King Perry or KingMai. He’s making mistakes, doesn’t know the man he’s going to King as well as he should, and feels out of his depth at times. Vin is pushing Terence harder than he’s ever pushed anyone and wonders, on several occasions, if he’s gone too far.

As we get further into this series, the stories are less about the men Vin ‘kings’ and more about Vin himself. We get to know Vin through the men he picks. Perry, Mai and Terrence are like mirrors, showing Vin what he needs to learn, what is lacking in his life and what is possible. There are moments when Vin gets that message loud and clear but his dislike and distrust of himself are too big to allow him to take the message on board.

“I’m just like him. I also use fear to masquerade what I truly want, and in moments of clarity, I can admit the thing I want is always the same: to be loved.”

Those moments of clarity shatter my heart and make me want to dive into the book, find Vin, and wrap my arms around him while whispering that he’s more than good enough, that all he needs is the strength to forgive himself for what happened when he didn’t know any better. But Vin isn’t there yet. While he catches glimpses of the way forward, he is not yet able to walk down that path.

“(...) I missed an opportunity to practice being a Found One, to be open to feedback and truly listen without my shit getting in the way.” – Vin

And yet, every man Vin ‘kings’ brings him closer to the moment when he too will be able to embrace his greatness.

“Something old and broken is less broken.”

I have no idea exactly what it means and have got a feeling it may be a while before I find out, but I can’t help feeling the following quote will prove to be pivotal:

“Watch for the king whose initials are D.C. He will unmake you. He’s coming to destroy you. You could stop him, but if you do, the Great Remembering never happens.”

And my heart broke when Vin drew his, almost certainly wrong, conclusion from that prediction.

Now that I’ve finished The Butterfly King and its darker story, part of me wants to read the rest of it immediately. Another part of me isn’t sure it could endure Vin’s story before the events in this book. I’ve been shown glimpses of it from the start and know it will be brutal and heart-shattering and probably man-breaking. And I suspect it has to happen. Before you can King a man you have to break him after all.

Something rather amazing happened while I was reading this book. A rather loud flapping noise tore me out of the story. When I looked up I saw a beautiful butterfly desperately trying to flee my house through a closed door. I was so engrossed in the story there wasn’t a lot I would have put the book down for, but I did just that for the butterfly. It took me a few minutes and quite a lot of gentle coaxing, but eventually the butterfly managed to find its way through the door I had opened, and back to freedom.

I’ll end my ramblings with a quote that made my heart sing.

“A feeling, a foreign one, flits through me, a fiery red cardinal dashing from twig to twig in my brambled heart. Hope.”

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